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Monthly Archives: March 2011

Distraction Techniques

Last night was pool night. It was a smaller group than usual which meant I was playing against the guy who is usually my partner. He was schooling me over and over so I wanted to figure out a way to distract him so I stood a chance.

He’s gay, so obviously a vagina needed to be involved to really freak him out. Specifically, my vagina.

And last night, genital tentacles were born. (FYI I almost wrote testicles instead of tentacles. Gross.)

Genital tentacles basically involved my drunken self running laps around the pool table with my hand in front of my vagina waving my fingers, trying to touch him and yelling “my vagina has tentacles” over and over.

Obviously he combatted with penis tentacles and it was all downhill from there.

PS I promise I actually am 21 … Not 11.

Cheers,

BDOC

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Posted by on 31 March 2011 in Drinking Tales

 

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Question

This is just a question …

Do straight guys commonly tell each other to suck it? Because it was claimed last night that they do say it quite frequently. I can accept this, BUT it really seems quite gay. Can someone shed some light?

 
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Posted by on 31 March 2011 in Funny Stories

 

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Pool Night

Wednesdays are pool nights. We go to the bar, drink beer and play pool. None of us are particularly good, but it’s good company and sometimes certain members of the group get rather intoxicated. Want an example?

One time, a certain member got a shot and really liked it. Typical response would be to have another shot, right? His response was to order a whole drink of the shots. And then have 2 more whole drinks of the shot. Win!

Another example? One time I drank too much … and I racked the balls. This is what happened:

 
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Posted by on 30 March 2011 in Drinking Tales

 

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I’m sexually attracted …

To thin mints.

Thin mint porn can be found here. Aren’t you turned on?

 
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Posted by on 30 March 2011 in Funny Internet Things

 

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Getting Home is Half the Fun – Part 2

Creative Commons License - .Martin.

Sometimes I drink too much at a party or at a bar.

That means, I get to deal with a long and drunken walk home.

It’s always an adventure, although not one I always remember.

My friends and I have collected some pretty crazy stories about our walks home over the past few years of college.

I would like to share some of those stories with you.

Here is part 2!

  1. Occasionally, the difficulties of walking home continue once we get inside. I had a housemate who could handle walking down the stairs just fine when intoxicated, but it never failed that he would fall UP the stairs every time.
  2. I just tend to have trouble with my bed. Once, a girl sat on it and broke it. That was sad for her. I usually just collapse drunk and knock it off of the risers, which isn’t bad until I wake up the next day, my bed is slanted and I feel like I’m on a boat.
  3. Back to stories of walking home. I’ve already told you of my love of running. Sometimes it’s hard for my friends to keep up with me. Once it was especially hard, as I took off running and the only person with me was a drag queen wearing heels. Poor girl! She practically kept up though which deserves a lot of respect.
  4. Once, I was belligerent walking home. And by walking I mean running. On the rare occasion that I actually listened to my friends and stopped running, it was usually just to hit a mailbox or throw a traffic cone into the street. I’m a winner. And apparently an ass.
  5. My personal favorite is the story of my friend. We went out to a gay bar one night, after having pre-gamed heavily in the hotel room. Apparently he pre-gamed too much, as we got there and he promptly proceeded to pass out on the toilet seat. After face-planting while picking up his ID, he was ready to walk home. Another girl and I walked him, but he wanted to run. If he wanted to run, he would shake us off of him, run, fall, pick himself up, shake his head, say “fierce,” start running and repeat. Classy

We’re all winners, even at our finest.

Cheers,

BDOC

 
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Posted by on 29 March 2011 in Drinking Tales

 

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Getting Home is Half the Fun – Part 1

Creative Commons License - .Martin.

Sometimes I drink too much at a party or at a bar.

That means, I get to deal with a long and drunken walk home.

It’s always an adventure, although not one I always remember.

My friends and I have collected some pretty crazy stories about our walks home over the past few years of college.

I would like to share some of those stories with you.

Here is part 1!

  1. This was probably one of the most fun walks home I’ve had. I was travelling with a friend back to our house after a night of karaoke. It is a downhill walk home, fairly steep at times. it was also the beginnings of the great ice storm earlier this year. The roads were covered in ice already, so we got to drunkenly ice skate the whole way home, and we only fell a couple of times!
  2. Speaking of fun ways of moving, one time I tried to convince my friends to let me do somersaults the whole way home. They wouldn’t let me, so I sprinted ahead and did it anyway. That made for a painful morning after.
  3. Sometimes, I need food to make it home. Once, I stopped to get pizza and accidentally ordered one PIZZA instead of one slice. I then thought I had to wait until I got home to eat it, so I ran the whole way home. Just me and my pizza box.
  4. On the topic of food tours, I used to live next door to McDonalds. As a small college town, we are lucky enough to be allowed to walk through the drive-through. Sometimes, we feel guilty about walking so we all pile into an invisible “car.” I’m the driver because I make the best car sounds.
  5. Another detour I like to take is for kissing breaks. If a girl is going home with me, chances are good that I want to stop and make out along the way. Usually this just involves standing, but on occasion it gets heated and we end up rolling around in the grass. This wouldn’t be a problem, except I’m allergic to grass.
 
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Posted by on 28 March 2011 in Drinking Tales

 

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Toad

Story.

Once, I was drinking. It was last fall, so it was still warm outside.

We have some trees by our house, and I decided to go “exploring.” I found a toad.

Obviously, I picked it up.

I carried it upstairs to show my friends who were also drinking.

We were all very excited. Then the toad got nervous and ….

It pissed all over my hands. I threw it down and ran away.

I thought you should know. Don’t pick up toads.

Cheers,

BDOC

 
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Posted by on 27 March 2011 in Drinking Tales

 

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