The Kiss of Death – Shark Attacks and Jackhammers

26 Mar

What do these things have in common? I’m pretty sure they’re the two worst kinds of kisses you can ever experience.

Jackhammer kiss – the dictionary of BDOC would classify a kiss as a “jackhammer kiss” if someone grabs your face, forces your mouth open, sticks their tongue out, makes it stiff and proceeds to ram it in and out of your mouth. Much like the motion of a jackhammer. I have a friend, and this is his signature drunken kiss.

Let me tell you, if he’s drunk and wants to make out, there’s no stopping him.

Shark Attack Kiss – While I regret having to name such an unfortunate kiss after such a tasty shot, it seems only right. I imagine that if a shark were to bite my face, it would probably be pretty comparable to the kiss I experienced last night. A girl asked me to dance. Mildly attractive. I’m drunk. We dance. She grabs my face, and I’m expecting a sweet and gentle lady kiss. Instead, the shark came out. She had a HUGE mouth, which she opened all the way. And apparently her idea of kissing is really more like biting. I came out of that very short make-out session with bite marks on my cheeks and a slightly bloody lip. I’m pretty sure my lip is bruised today.

So, beware of the jackhammer and shark attack. Two nasty kisses just waiting to come out and get you. You’ll never be the same after.

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Posted by on 26 March 2011 in Funny Stories


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