In order to make it up to you, I’d like to tell you about my night last night.
It started off well, and only got funnier.
I was rocking my new outfit … cardigan and fake ray-bans and skinny jeans and hipster shoes. I decided I was Bruno Mars, and played my uke all night long.
Some friends came over. We had cheese bites and fries and made 50 jello shots for 5 of us.
We started playing some beer pong, and waited for the jello shots to harden. Around midnight, they were ready for eating, so we began. They were quite tasty (the green ones were anyway, the only color I like. Ironic, considering my general hatred of blue and green drinks/shots. I think it’s because jello is solid-ish, although it’s shocking that I even eat jello at all since I’m scared of the way it jiggles.)
Because the jello shots were so tasty, we obviously decided to speed eat them. I ate 11 jello shots in 11 minutes. I’m a light-weight. That’s quite an accomplishment. The night then continued as I got drunker and drunker. We went back to beer pong.
At one point, I was sitting outside on the ground, with my uke and sunglasses. Apparently I looked like I passed out.
We took our pants off at one point. I played beer pong in purple striped underwear and argyle socks. I won.
One time, we were standing outside and my Mexican neighbor opened the front door, leaned out, and took a piss. Classy.
We also witnessed a fight. Like, just a break-up fight. It was pretty funny, though. Especially when Mexican man started pissing in the middle of it.
At one point, we went across the street to the bro’s house to play beer pong with a Taylor Lautner look-alike. Such bros. We lost, but I blame it on the height of the table. It’s made for someone taller than me. Like a male bro, not a lesbian bro.
After we played beer pong, we went back upstairs where we watched a girl climb into a hammock nailed into a wall and hanging probably 7 or 8 feet off the ground. The bros then started to swing it back and forth. Quickly. I’m pretty sure she might have died at some point. We left.
Then the friends left. I think. Maybe. It’s fuzzy. I think the best part was waking up at 1 pm still smashed, and going into the living room to realize that I ALREADY CLEANED!