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Category Archives: Just Me

I’m Back

Did you miss me? Sorry it has been so incredibly long since I last let you in on the gory details of my life and the ridiculous adventures that I have …. I have good excuses though, I swear!

For those of you reading my blog that don’t go to school with me, I am a college graduate of less than a week. I graduated this past Sunday with a degree in theatre, so now I’m one step closer to becoming a “real person.” That’s why I haven’t been blogging though … I chose to spend my last little bit of time at Miami with my friends rather than behind a computer writing blog posts, and I certainly don’t regret it.

Now, however, I’m working at summer camp and so I definitely have time for blogging again. Especially over these next 3 weeks when I’m only working 4 hours a day or so. So, to give you the run-down, I’m going to be supervising the staff at my camp that runs the high ropes course, low ropes course, vertical playground, giant swing and climbing tower. For the next 3 weeks, though, I’m going to be supervising a different staff that helps to run these camps for 6th graders from a school in the area, so I have a lot less work which is really quite nice. At least a little bit of time to  relax, even though I still have to go home every weekend (4 hour drive) for like a day, just to come right back. But my brother is also graduating, and we are having a graduation party which at least should get me some money. Yay!

I feel as though I should give you a digest of drunken stories that I remember, even if there aren’t many. I tended to either brown or black out just about every night and since we were literally going out every single night of the week, it got intense.

I could tell you about how I am THE lesbian at Miami, or rather I was. But since I’m graduating, I have to be replaced and after months of debate, we found my replacement. A group of us drunk-dialed her to inform her that she was going to become THE lesbian. I think she digs it.

Also, I could tell you about one of the many times we were at my favorite classy bar. (The place where averagemoe and I like to drink absinthe.) We were at this bar, probably 12 or 15 of us, and they were $80 away from breaking a $9,000 sales night which would have been a record. Averagemoe drunkenly felt a brown obligation to help them break their sales record by offering to buy the entire group a round of drinks. I got to be the drink orderer, as is right. It was a beautiful thing.

Or, I could tell you about the time that we went dancing and this creepy short man tried to dance with all t he girls in our group, until one girl flipped him off and I told him “You’re not as charming as you think you are.” He left and proceeded to pee in a corner. On the dance floor.

That’s all that I remember. The rest is kind of a blur. I’ll blog again soon.

 
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Posted by on 14 May 2011 in Drinking Tales, Funny Stories, Just Me

 

Five Question Friday

It’s time for “Five Question Friday”!!

1. What is your favorite Easter tradition?
I have a mega huge, ridiculous sweet tooth. Obviously the candy is the best part. Want to win my heart? Cadbury cream eggs and reeses eggs. I’ll love you always.

2. Are you a “shower” or a “long, hot bath” kind of person?
I’m pretty efficient. I’m all about the showers. I don’t really have the time or patience for a long, hot bath. Unless I’m sick. Or sometimes drunk.

3. Can you parallel park and if so when is the last time you did it?
Absolutely I can! I do it everytime I drive on campus, because the only places I’m allowed to park without paying 5 million bucks for a parking pass require parallel parking.

4. What is your favorite Easter candy?
I already answered this, but to reiterate – cadbury cream eggs and reeses eggs.

5. Easter: do you go all out with the Easter Bunny or focus on the religious part of the holiday?
Sweet tooth. Easter Bunny.
 
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Posted by on 22 April 2011 in Just Me

 

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I’m scared

Of some weird shit.

What could I possibly be afraid of, being the big scary lesbian that I am?

Well, thunderstorms for one. But at least that’s pretty normal.

Another weird fear?

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Gum – like, I think it’s gross. And it sounds gross and smells disgusting and when people blow bubbles I want to vomit. Not only that though, the sight of chewed gum makes me want to cry. It genuinely stresses me out. If I’m eating with someone and they take gum out of their mouth to eat and set it on their plate or something, I can’t focus on anything because I’m too weirded out.

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I HATE JELLO. It’s funny, because I JUST blogged about jello shots, but the only way I’ll consume jello is if it will make me drunk. Otherwise, I won’t touch the stuff. I think the other reason I’m ok with jello shots is because they jiggle less than other jello things. They’re small and well-contained. Once, one summer when I was working at camp, my campers knew I was scared of jello .. one night at dinner, they brought out a tray of jello cubes for desert. My campers threw them at me. Little shits.

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My weirdest fear … drains. I don’t know exactly where this one came from, but I have an inexplicable fear of drains. I won’t touch them. I think it’s because for some reason I think something could come out of them, but I don’t really know … Judge me all you want, but it seriously impairs my ability to clean the kitchen sink or the bathroom!

 
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Posted by on 21 April 2011 in Funny Stories, Just Me

 

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New Thing – Five Question Friday

Ok, so I’m trying this new thing called “Five Question Friday”

It’s real simple. They ask 5 questions, and I answer them. Every Friday.

Questions:

1. What is your favorite sign of spring?
Does day drinking count? Like, for realsies. I look forward to the warm weather and sunshine of spring so that I can play beer pong outside, and day drink!

2. What was your best birthday ever?
Hm. I don’t really remember the last few, because they just consisted of getting drunk. A great birthday memory is 3 years ago, for my 18th birthday, my friend and I had birthdays very close to one another. We bought a chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake from cold stone and ate the whole thing by ourselves. I’m drooling now, please excuse me while I go wipe my face off.

3. What is your favorite dessert?
See above …
No, just kidding. Ok, I’m a chocoholic.
I’m actually a really big fan of buying an expensive bar of nice dark chocolate and just having one or two pieces every once in a while. Drooling again …

4. What is the best excuse you’ve ever used to get out of a ticket?
Um, I’ve never been given a ticket. Well, one time I wrecked my car and I should have probably gotten a ticket, but I cried so there was no ticket. Although it’s unclear whether I would have gotten one or not. That’s a boring story. Sorry.
Once I got pulled over after doing x, but I managed to not get in trouble!

5. Do you wake up before your alarm, with your alarm, or after hitting snooze several times?
Depends on the day, and the hangover. I’m often a big fan of snooze, particularly when my head feels like it’s going to explode. Or implode. Death, whichever way you look at it.
 
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Posted by on 15 April 2011 in Just Me

 

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Hi

I’m Heather. I started blogging this year. Not here, but on a different blog. I’m bored. It’s really kind of boring.

So I just kind of stopped. And I read some blogs. And I got hooked on this blog, and I can’t stop reading it.

It’s fucking hilarious! So I realized I should just blog about my life. Because I have an awful lot of adventures, and get into a lot of messes.

I also tend to drink excessively (it’s my last semester of college) and make out with a lot of people. Usually girls, although gay boys always seem to be into me. I think the best part is that I often wear a mustache while I’m partaking in said shenanigans.

I think I can write some funny shit. People will dig it. Jump on it. Jump on it!

Also sometimes I will share other random things that I find on the internet. They will usually be pretty or completely fucked up. Or involve food. I love food. I ate 6 waffles today to cure my hangover. It totally worked. You should try it. I subside on a diet of excedrin, water, waffles and vodka. Practically all the food groups.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do more than drink. I also make art, and do theatre. And I work. And in August I’m moving to Los Angeles with 4 of my friends for what I assume will be the best adventure of my life.

I’m fairly certain I was going to add some more to this post, but I think I’ve said all I can say. Plus, I’m really eager to write the next post, about the infamous shark attack jackhammer kiss.

 
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Posted by on 26 March 2011 in Just Me